So.

I've had three kids.

Naturally. Without drugs.

And I've got to tell you, putting on the LZR Racer was harder than giving birth.

No lie.

At no point during the delivery of any of my kids did I think, "I just can't do this. I don't think this is going to happen."

No so with the LZR Racer-putting-on process. It took me about 15 seconds to start doubting whether or not it was going to happen for me.

Seriously.

I have never experienced anything like what I went through getting that LZR on. There were tears, moments of agony (no lie--parts of it hurt) and then, in the end, the greatest moment of triumph I've ever experienced.

But let me back up.

Because, of course, there's a story. It wouldn't be my life if there wasn't some sort of goofy story to go along with the experience.

I couldn't just be like my new friend, Lisa, who I watched literally glide into her suit.

No sir.

The word "glide" was not part of my experience.

So.

I show up at the Mix Zone and get to pass through the gates for the first time all week (media have to stand on the outside of the gates away from the athletes and coaches). The Speedo folks have set up long tables and there are piles of LZR Racers all over them. The Speedo man kind of eyeballs me and then hands me a suit.

"Are you sure this is my size?" I ask. It looks awfully skinny.

"Yup," he says.

The Speedo man gives us the following fitting tips: 1. There is some type of gripper at the bottom of the leg hole. He told us to fold it up. 2. There are bonded seams down the side. He told us to make sure they were lined up correctly as we put the suit on.

And that's about it. Those were his big words of advice.

Okay.

So I grab my suit and head down to the women's media locker room. I am completely geeked out about doing this. I make friends with a woman named Mary and another woman named Mele. The three of us begin the process. But first, I have them take a picture of me just holding the suit.

The three of us settle down to tackle the LZR Racer-putting-on-process. Right from the begining I knew it wasn't going to be pretty. There was a lot of quiet swearing going on. We tried to stay positive. We encouraged each other. I secretly hated both of them for being faster than me.

After about 20 minutes I've got mine to my knees. To. My. Knees.

Mary gets hers on first and we cheer for her. Mele comes in second. They both look great in their LZRs.

They focus all their attention on encouraging me.

And then it happened.

The LZR broke.

Yup.

Complete devastation. I'm not going to lie. I totally started crying.

Mele grabs my suit and promises she will get me another one.

A new woman, Lisa, enters the locker room and sees me crying. I watch in utter disbelief as Lisa glides into her LZR.

Mele returns with a new suit. Bless her heart, she tells me that the other suit was the wrong size (Really? I hadn't noticed it was a bit small) and wasn't even tagged correctly.

So.

It's me and suit #2. I dry my tears. I wipe off the sweat that was still flowing from the first go-around, and I set off to work. Mele and Mary go to warm up in the pool. Lisa stays to help me.

I do believe we had our very own Lifetime Movie Channel moment where she said, "I am not going to leave you until you have that suit on!" And off we go. Amazingly enough, when you have the right size suit, it's much easier to get it on.

Don't get me wrong, it was still hard. But I started to feel a glimmer of hope that this one might actually end up in the pool. Ever-so-slowly I inched that LZR Racer up, bit-by-bit-by-bit. Finally Lisa said, "You've got it! It's on!!" She zipped me up. I was in.

We hugged.

I may or may not have shed a few more tears. We took pictures right there in the locker room. It was awesome.

With a new spring in my step and my BFF, Lisa, at my side, we head out to the pool. I drop my bag off at my assigned seat (they had us set up like an age-group ready bench), grab my cap and goggles and walk over to the pool.

The pool looks a lot bigger when you're thinking about swimming in it. I decided to use Ian's lane #5 from last night. I jumped in. The water was not nearly as cold as I thought it would be. It felt good.

I started a warm-up and had a moment where I thought I just can not believe this is my life. It was that cool. I swam freestyle for a while. I did a backstroke start and backstroked down the pool, under the Olympic rings. I did breaststroke for a few meters (my least favorite stroke), and then I did a bit of fly just so I could say I did butterfly in the same lane Ian did. I got out of the pool and tried a few starts. I took a victory lap around the deck. I stood where the athletes stood to accept their medals.

Finally, they called us over to the chairs. It was time to race.

Omega was giving away a watch to the media person who came closest to their predicted time. I didn't really care about any of that, I just wanted a clean swim. I was in heat 3, lane 2.

The man who has been doing all the announcing this week was there for our event, too. He introduced each of us and told which media outlet we represented. When he announced my name, I went ahead and waved to the crowd (okay, to Chris and Mike who came to watch me). Our names were up on the scoreboard just like they were for the athletes all week.

Coolest. Thing. Ever!

I don't really remember the start, but I do remember feeling pretty good during the swim. What I really remember is how different the water felt on my legs. For a minute there, I actually wondered if I had somehow exploded my LZR Racer on my start, because the water felt so different on my legs. Very cool. My breathing pattern was all off, too. I usually breathe 4's, but today I did 6's. I'm not sure what that has to do with the LZR Racer, but I definitely noticed that my pattern was off.

Finally, I touched the wall. I turned around and heard them announce my name as the third place finisher. I was almost 4 seconds under my predicted time (LZR Racer?).

I felt only joy with my 3rd place finish. Thank God I wasn't trying for a place on the Olympic team.

Afterwards there were more pictures and a luncheon sponsored by Omega where Michael Phelps awarded the watch to one very lucky young man.

They wanted the LZR back, but that was okay.

I get to keep my memories of today forever.